Never Leave Home Without It
by Tori Yuki Ichimura
Summary: *shakes head* I can't believe I just wrote this... *groggily looks at dead glow sticks and a pacifier* Oh... That explains a lot... (j/k) I don't own ANYTHING! That includes Giovanni *snicker and *snicker* Duet. R&R but be nice...


Another story  
  
Tori: I got one of those "Joke-a-day" calendars.  
  
Kegawa: …and?  
  
Tori: Why do you always do that?  
  
Ke: *shrugs*  
  
Tori: Well, I was inspired by the "The Sandwich Mafia sends Luigi to 'sleep with the fourth-graders'" Gary Larson cartoon. ((Hehehe… didn't think I gave a damn about American entertainment, ne?))  
  
Ke: *dons tour guide costume* And if you look to your left, you'll see a raving lunatic…  
  
Tori: *beats Ke with kendo bokken* On with the story.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Duet struggled against her bond, but they held fast. She was tied tightly to a metal chain in the corner of a gray room. A single dim light bulb hung from the ceiling. Aside from a few nasty flesh wounds and a near- broken spirit, she was unharmed. She had gotten off lucky.  
  
**flashback**  
  
The braided girl was on her knees bowing in front of a shadowed man sitting in an overstuffed chair. All she could tell was that he was smoking a glowing red cigar.  
  
"Giovanni, sir, I have come to ask your permission to leave. My debt has long been paid," she murmured and the man stood. He was wearing a red suit and holding a pampered beige cat gently in his arms. It took one look at her and hissed.  
  
"Silly, naïve little girl… You debt was paid off years ago. But you're one of us now. There's no escape but death," Giovanni laughed, grinding his cigar into her shoulder. Duet refused to acknowledge the pain.  
  
Thinking for a moment, she slowly reached into her black denim jacket and withdrew a derringer. He hadn't notice, so she looked up and took careful aim. Oh, so careful and… BANG!  
  
Giovanni staggered and clutched his shoulder. All he had to show for her attempt was a tiny scratch where the bullet had nearly grazed his skin.  
  
"Tonight the girl sleeps with the fishes!" he yelled and Duet was instantly caught up by two strong me in black outfit. She allowed only a small smile to grace her face.  
  
**end flashback**  
  
Although, things hadn't gone exactly as she'd planned. No amount of struggling would help her. She knew in the other room they were already preparing the cement boots. Giovanni wasn't kidding when he said she'd sleep with the fishes.  
  
"What a cliché," she thought, remembering all the stories she had heard about the mafia. Being American in race, she was actually a muddle of different nationalities, the dominant one being Italian. The mafia was a "family" to her, but one that wouldn't let her leave. Now, they were gonna throw her in a river and let her sink like a stone. "What a wonderful life I lead!" she laughed out loud. Loud enough for the men in the other room to hear.  
  
One opened the door and peered inside. Duet threw her head back and laughed some more. The absurdity of it all! The very people she grew up with! The very people that claimed to have loved her! They were gonna kill her! Haha! How is it not funny!?  
  
For a brief moment, she recalled an anime she had seen similar to her life. Ceres or something. The family was going to kill the daughter. "Wow! We have a lot in common!" she giggled. The man in the doorway arched an eyebrow and shut the door again.  
  
"She's gone nutso," she could hear him say. But she was nutso all along! After all, it WAS her decision to join the mafia! Hehehe! Oops! Made a mistake there, didn't we? Duet giggled some more. Sometime during her insanity, she had acquired a twitch, which was now flicking away.  
  
After a few minutes of maniacal laughter, the men threw the door open again. "What the Hell is wrong with you!?" the first shouted.  
  
"She's gone completely insane…" the other remarked, scratching his head, for at that very moment, Duet began a very animated conversation with the empty chair next to her.  
  
"What's the point in killing her now? Why not let her linger in insanity?"  
  
The two men nodded in agreement, picked up the chair with her still tied to it and tossed it in the back of a hearse. Duet continued to babble about the injustice of infomercials with a spare tire while they drove.  
  
After an hour's ride, they pulled into an abandoned parking lot and took her out. After setting the chair down gently, they climbed back into their hearse and drove off, leaving her still bound.  
  
Spitting the hair out of her mouth, Duet pulled a sharp, flat object from her pocket and sliced the ropes off. She stood up, dusted herself off, and with a gleam in her eye, muttered "Mission: Accomplished."  
  
The five male Gundam pilots then suddenly appeared out of nowhere and they all struck a dramatic pose. Duet held up the object from before which, on closer inspection, appeared to be a… Visa credit card.  
  
Suddenly, the camera zooms in so only Duet's sapphire eyes are visible. "Visa; never leave home without it."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
  
Tori: Yup. Pure insanity.  
  
Ke: *takes Tori's Offspring CD, throws it to floor, and jumps up and down on it"  
  
Tori: *shrugs* There's not much else a weasel can do to a CD.  
  
Ke: I'm a FERRET! Not a weasel.  
  
Tori: …so many words for hairy snakes…  
  
Ke: *fumes* 


End file.
